Summer Ambitions… or lack-thereof
Ah… it feels good to finally sit down and add a little something to my site. I’ve been pretty busy working full time for my dad this summer *gag* (it’s just boring. I know, I shouldn’t complain. It’s a good job). It’s just kind of taxing in the whole “free time” category. I had all these great ambitions for summer, and it all just seems to be going to the wayside.
(Tangent) So… I’ve decided that I am no longer going to post entries that relate to the fact that I hardly update my site anymore. It seems like every time I log on to good old WordPress to add something to my Blog or Mac Tips section, I make some sort of comment like “I now have more free time, so I will definitely be updating… like everyday.” If you’ve read my blog at all, you’ve probably seen those words and know that they are more or less a load of bull patootie. Well, take it in one final time… are you ready? You sure? Here it goes… I’m going to try to start adding more content to my site. WordPress 6.0 2.6 is supposed to be released sometime in the near future which has a quick post feature built-in (I’m hoping really similar to Tumblr), so I honestly do think I will have a lot more content on here as time goes on…(/End Tangent)
But back to the whole summer ambition thing, why do these sort of things often end in disappointment? Perhaps, it’s just a “me” thing, I don’t know. But I’ve thought a lot about this sort of thing this past year.
Everything always seems so much better when you’re not living in that moment, whatever it may be. For me, I had all these great things I was going to do this summer. I’m not going to lie; My 1st year of college was probably the most difficult time I’ve experienced in my (measly) 19 years of living. Summer sounded pretty much like heaven from the “in college” side of the fence. Don’t get me wrong; I’m loving summer right now. Hanging with my best friends, getting to know people I’ve gone to school with but never talked to, eating mom’s home-cooking, having all the comforts of home, going on trips, etc. definitely beats slaving away at Galilean Relativity in the dorm basement. It’s just… disappointing to see my summer slipping slowly away.
Spiritually, I’ve become quite discontented with myself. I find it somewhat fascinating to observe my “whorish” tendencies (am I now blocked by a couple filters?) with God. Kind of like what Derek Webb sings about in “Wedding Dress” (see the video above). So… things are going “terrible”? I’m probably in the Word and reading books every day, crying because I relate so well to the depravity of man. Things going “well”? My Bible’s probably sitting by the door where I set it after coming back from church last Sunday, buried under CD’s, Blockbuster videos, and car keys. I’m finding that emotional turmoil and hardships are required in order to make you feel alive. I know movies and music come alive when I’m distraught. I’m reading Ravi Zachariah’s book The Cry for a Reason in Suffering, and while talking about Job’s experience, he quotes from Malcolm Muggeridge:
“Contrary to what might be expected, I look back on experiences that at the time seemed especially desolating and painful, with particular satisfaction… if it ever were to be possible to eliminate affliction from our earthly existence by means of some drug or other medical mumbo jumbo… the result would not be to make life delectable, but to make it too banal or trivial to be endurable.
A fascinating thought if nothing else, right? Well, that’s enough for right now. Perhaps this could be expounded upon at another time. Until next time…
